i knew it was gonna be one of those days.. i woke up and i felt it. and i wasn't wrong.. i'm so tired now but have to wait for a download from a friend. my eyes are all red and vision a little blurred. my body aches from top to bottom. aigh.. it's just been one long horrible day. Especially after the news i got yesterday..

At 12:45 pm yeaterday, my cousin passed away. He was the one who had angiosarcoma and was my age. I only got the news around 2 when my mom texted me asking if i'm going fro the funeral. "funeral?".. then my phone rang and i was finally told of his passing. i was stunned for a while.. stuttering as i asked what happened. i went into the room at the front of the office. when we got of the phone, my hands were trembling and my sister called. i gave. thinking about those things he said about me. i hid in the room for a good half an hour before i dared step outside. then dad called. he had just came out of the mosque where the body was and was on the way to the cemetery. my hands were still trembling..

for some reason i walked into joey's editing suite and told her. i tried to keep a straight face but i think i gave a little in front of her. i didn't mean to.. i couldn't stop it. my hands wouldn't stop either... i went to the bathroom to wash my face and caught myself in the mirror. "he was just my age.."

i woke up at 3 this morning and couldn't fall back to sleep. after a couple of hours of fidgetting and staring at the shadows in my room i decided to just get up and ready for work. I texted joey about how long this week has been and that i wasn't looking forward to today.. she said "life's full of maybes.." after saying i might feel better buying her steak.. i replied saying that could be the one thing that'll make my day today.. but i didn't in the end.

sunrise. but it was crap. nothing worked out today. not one single thing..
i shouldn't have gotten up..